Time Out

Goodness, such lofty intentions, taking up a story again right away. Who the hell do I think I am? LOL

I'm coming down from having finished the previous story. The manuscript is 462 pages and 124,309 words and so I am going to call it The Novel now, because I kind of feel within my rights. "Novel," mind you, isn't some sort of indication it's any good, though I've been told it is. This is more my effort to dignify all the time put into this thing, and more importantly, the tears.

I did a very stupid thing, publishing this thing in real time, as I wrote it, but before I felt at ease with it as a whole. Not only does it need a lot of tidying, but I barely knew the story before anyone else did. When someone had questions or comments or critiques, I wasn't ready and neither was the story. That's not fair to anyone.

And it kills the joy of writing, burying it under the debris of analysis and judgment.

So I've spent some time today reading earlier stories I've worked on in private, things that I have no intention of showing anyone ever -- things that are safe. Safe is very good this afternoon. Safe allows me to see how much fun it is to play in these worlds with these people, to tell their stories as well as I can, and bear witness to all their hopes and dreams and fears and triumphs over failure. I'm nothing more than a grateful reporter here; this is the role I like to take when I write, even if I am human enough to want to know I did it well, so that the reader feels what I feel when I see these people struggle and win.

Now, admittedly in practical terms, this is bullshit. But putting myself in the role of observer and actress (writing fiction is, I think, acting on paper) helps get the Judgmental Asshole in my head out of the way enough for me to actually write. So I do this, and work under this assumption, and manage to produce stories. I won't tell the Asshole if you won't.

Instead I'll just keeping reading all my fun drabbles and stories and cheesy crossovers -- those are the best -- and try and restore the joy of what I'm doing in the first place. No more publishing before I'm ready, and no more sharing work because I want the deadline off my back. Isn't that why I left the office world in the first place?

It is. Time out. :)