Playtime

I haven't really been doing a lot of writing this week. I've been slowly, achingly slowly, doing what Julia Cameron calls an Artist Date: doing something that is purely play, with no purpose and no anticipated outcome, for no good reason other than it's fun and it makes me happy.

Oooo, and do I feel wicked by Saturday Night? I wish. LOL

It's just that I have no business feeling wicked, given how hard I have fought this all week. I have a father from New England (Hi Dad!!!) and as any of you old school New Englanders know, Fun is Not Allowed. I have that impulse to tamp down fun drilled deep into me by a Dad who I know for a fact never meant for me to inherit it. But here it is, and fight it I must.

Hmm...Yoda moment.

Anyhoo, I have had the equivalent of a near emotional break down this week, all in the name of doing stuff I want to do just because I feel like doing it. I'll assume you normal people don't deal with this, but I do. And I finally figured out what really makes me sing: Food.

I like to play with my food.

And I keep forgetting that too. There are a lot of food intolerances and allergies in this household, and so food is not something we tend to approach lightly. It's hard to get excited about something that may keep you up all night, and for Mr MM especially, 30-some-odd years of battling various food and food-born mold issues have made him very wary of food in general. Its something he keeps an uneasy peace with, rather than looking forward to encountering it. There's certainly no such thing as 'comfort food' around here.

In case you're wondering, it breaks down like this:

Pickles: Celiac
Fang: Celiac; fin fish allergy (we have no idea about shellfish, but probably -- and I'm not testing it neither!)
Me: Gluten sensitive, fin fish allergy
Mr MM: (are you sitting down?) Mold -- any and all of them; Celiac; Beef; Chicken; Sulfites; Sensitive to the following: soy, pork, seafood, PGPR, MSG, anything carrot-related (this includes dill and parsley), all evergreen products (no rosemary, no pine nuts).

We're pretty sure, based on his medical history, that he started showing his first Celiac symptoms at age 3, and has shown his mold allergy symptoms since birth. However, no one ever thought to test him for Celiac or extrapolate an environmental mold allergy to a food-born one until he was 31 years old and his thyroid was slowly killing him. That was fun, as an aside, to have a 18 month old and a husband with a massive mystery illness that kept him in bed with a surgical mask on all the time. Should I mention the allergen-reactive asthma that's resulted from his environmental allergies? The ones that make us run a scent-free household (thanks for nothing, Whole Foods and your 'fragrance free actually means no fragrance added' changes). But, I digress...

What this means for me, the least intolerant in the house, is that I forget that food is also supposed to taste good and be pleasing to both body and spirit. It's just such a damned honking big deal around here, I forget.

Oh, I should also mention that Mr MM is one of those people the fragrance industry refers to as a Nose. And being a Nose means that his taste buds are also exquisitely sensitive. He'll eat about 4 things. I can make anything I want to for dinner, as long as it tastes like these four dishes. Sustaining and non-threatening to him, but (much as I love him) stultifying for me. I love food, I love new tastes, I love to play.

I moon over recipes the way most women moon over diamonds.

So this week I have been mooning over baby pumpkin pies and fabulous painted cookies and pumpkin pancakes (it is October), and I tried to make a roasted salsa (wretched, but I tried and I think I know what to fix) and I finally re-tooled a couple of my mother's favorite recipes. Tomorrow I will make breakfast quick bread because I like it and I want to eat it and that really is a good enough reason. I am hungry again, really finally hungry, in a way I haven't been for about a year. Tonight I still need to do something with the turkey breast, and I am thinking a lovely saute in a little butter and oil, with tarragon and sea salt. Maybe. I don't know.

And, the wedding night scene is starting to thaw out finally. A little. I may need more chocolate chip marble bar before I get it right. *wink*