Me, Renamed

What would I change my name to? Anything else.



I don't mean literally, Ms. Anything Else. No, I mean anything but the first name I was given. It's odd looking, trips people up when they try to pronounce it for the first time, it's constantly misspelled, and because it ends in a consonant, it's often mistake for being a man's name. I spent all my childhood being teased for it, and I've spent all my adulthood having to listen to other people avoid trying to say it, butchering it, or (twice now!) refusing to pronounce it properly, like I have a duty to them to accept some other woman's name because they don't feel like learning mine.



My parents swear up and down that they never once foresaw the difficulties my name would incur. Given that I'm named after my paternal grandmother -- whose real name was changed by the Lynn, Massachusetts school system for not being "American" enough -- I've always found that...odd. And I realize that saying this in public is a little rotten of me, but you know. They have normal names! I have something that rhymes with Target. Literally. But it's not spelled that way.



*sigh*



You see, I'm a girl and it's just not that feminine a name, in English. And since everyone where I am speaks English, it just isn't that...you know...lush. Pretty. It's just not pretty. The other girls at school and now the women I'm surrounded with, their names are pretty. Their names are like figure skating. Mine's like really butch field hockey. In the rain. In November.



But I've grown into my name and learned to accept it and all the conversation it brings. It does bring lots of conversation. It doesn't lend itself to a nickname that lends itself to me, though, and my middle name is very, very ubiquitous -- and no, that's not lost on me either. The explanation is that if the names are reversed, my whole name doesn't roll off the tongue as well. Which is true, I might add. The syllables flow better the way it is. So did the name calling. But thankfully, most adults don't bother to call each other names to each other's faces, at least not until alcohol is involved. So, I have the name I have, and I live with it and live with gently correcting people who don't always get the hint. Or just can't grasp a name they've never heard before. It is what it is.



But when it came to naming my children, they got nice, common, classic names everyone can both spell and pronounce. And they are very grateful for them, too.