It's done, and so am I.
I finished the practice story this afternoon, and considering I've been writing the ending scene for about a year now, I was pretty proud of it. I still am, actually. It was a hard set of things to work with, and no matter how I wrote it, it would never ever make anyone happy -- much less everyone -- and so I just did what I thought was best. I think, in the end, that's all I can do.
But I'm done.
I'm done with this story.
I'm done with these characters.
So I can finally be done with this anxiety.
I've been anxious for an entire year over this thing, because I see these characters in a way no one else seems to. Every single post was anxiety-inducing, knowing that these characters mean something different to everyone who reads them. No matter what, someone felt betrayed, because these characters come with too much baggage. No matter what I did, I was fighting to swim upstream.
I'm done.
For all of you who read the story, thank you for at least sticking it out until the end. I appreciate it more than you can know, and I mean that from the bottom of my heart. You gave me the space and support to practice when I badly needed it, and I will always be deeply grateful. Maybe someday, I will write something original you find entertaining enough to stick with again.
Those of you who think my ending is a betrayal, or that it sucked...maybe you're right. I can only tell the truth I see, and if it's not your truth, then I'm sorry. I truly am.
And just to reassure you: don't worry, I am never picking up these characters again.
In the meantime, I am off on a self-imposed vacation, after which I am returning to my original work. At least with that, if I suck, I can do it without all the inherent accusations of betrayal. The only person I'll be betraying is me.
I can live with that. I just can't live bearing everyone else's baggage anymore.
2 comments:
*raises hand haltingly* Erm, uh, not everyone felt betrayed or reassured that you are done with R&C. -AD
I appreciate knowing that, thank you. It's just I felt very strongly that until Robin made his peace with how he and Marian treated each other, he couldn't move forward. I truly felt if he didn't, he would never see Chloe for who she really is. He would only ever see her as she measured against Marian, and that's not fair to all three of them.
But I also know that I'm in the minority, and I'm human enough to feel it. It was very hard work, crafting those final two chapters, and I am very proud of them and the amount of work they did.
But it's patently obvious (because silence is damning, not golden) that the chapters weren't what everyone wanted. I'm human enough to be disappointed and upset by that. I suppose this is one of the many lessons I get to learn as I work myself towards publication.
Maybe, one day, I will return to Sherwood. But not right now.
Thanks for reading. :)
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