1. Write more: Kind of a no-brainer, but it bears repeating. Arranging the time to do this, with two kids and a husband with health issues and all that goes with the three of them, plus my own issues, is hard. It's not difficult, but it's time consuming and it's work. A lot of work. And so is writing. I haven't yet figured out the balance yet, but I am determined to. Somehow. Yeesh! Because until now, I have let myself far too easily fall into a hole where I think I can't manage anything. And so, unsurprisingly, I don't manage anything! I need to figure this out. And this brings me to my next one:
2. Become more aware of my own thinking: I tend to live up in my head. Since I'm reading food blogs a lot right now, I'm reading a lot of people's thoughts in general, and the impression I keep coming away with is that my head works funny! I am very internally focused, although that doesn't quite touch it. I'm not convinced it's self-absorbed to gauge my world against what I think and feel all the time, but that's what I do. I don't experience a thing and then think about it. I think about a thing and then seek out the experience. This is why I've had this blog for so long and have yet to really use it. And this is why I spend years thinking about joining writing workshops without actually looking for a single one, or why it never occurs to me that my conviction that I can't write might not actually be true or at least it might be reversible. Either way, it boils down to this: I'm so busy thinking, I don't stop to think. Time to stop and think. And that leads to:
3. Connect with other aspiring writers: Ok, I admit it. I'm intimidated. I'm so intimidated my heart rate is soaring just writing this out. I haven't even done anything! But I am spinning my wheels here, alone in the basement. I know of a few professional development associations that can help and so I have to bite the bullet and look into to -- and do it. This year, I will spring for the fees and do it. And probably wail a lot about my anxieties here until I get my feet under me. I'll try to bring cheese for the whine.
4. Cook more and cook better: Cheese for the whine, as promised! In all seriousness, how many of us could disagree that life is too short to eat crap? Exactly. I find myself increasingly addicted to food blogs now, reading recipe after recipe after recipe. I have never been so hungry in my life, but I think this is good, because in the past ten years I have been rarely hungry. I've needed nutrition of course, but there's a difference, I think, between 'hungry' and 'refueling'. I've been refueling for a decade. Now, finally, I am hungry, and I want to cook. I want to eat things that make me feel alive, like I had a meal, like food matters and is more than a waystation on my walk through the house. I'm not sure why I suddenly feel this way, but I do. And I'm thinking of documenting what I do here, because I find the more I experiment in the kitchen, the better my writing is (tied that up nifty-like, huh? *snort*).
5. Tidy up: My house is a perpetual wreck, and it's like a monkey on all our backs. I'm tired of it. Organization will have to occur, whether I feel like making it happen or not. I'm hoping that an organized space will help with the writing.
So, um, that's the thinking for today. For now, I'm off to work on #s 4 and 5 a little, and think about the stories lurking in my head. And I have some ideas about #3 too, so I'll report back when I fork over my
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