Blocked

I still have writer's block. I only get this when something's intimidating me. And there's so much to choose from right now!

Is it the fact that I'm near the climax of the story, and fairly certain that many readers will not like where I'm going after all? I've certainly given them enough indications of where I am going with this. If this actually happens, I can't say I won't be pissed off. Maybe that's not fair of me, but I did say I would wear my heart on my sleeve here.

Maybe it's that I am afraid that the big emotional climax will fall short, that the climax will be no climax at all. Put more succinctly, I'm afraid I'll screw it up.

Or maybe it's my actual life getting in the way, the one where my school-averse 5 year old has to start school anyway soon enough, and she's going to be a holy terror about it, and it will start 12 years of school conferences in which I will have to fend off her teachers' attempts to diagnose her as something they can medicate -- simply because she is a girl who does not need their approval to feel good about herself. Girls are expected to be approval hounds, so they can usually be counted on to tow the line and play the game. But my five year old is not like other five year olds. She is far too self-possessed to need some older stranger's approval, thank you. She doesn't play games and she doesn't tow lines. So, yeah. This will be fun.

Clearly, I'm feeling intimidated, and angry, and self-important, and sorry for myself, and a host of other negative things. Did I mention obsessive? That too. I need to take a break, but I also need to wrap this up. So this morning I'm not sure which way I want to solve this. But I have had a headache for 4 days now, so this obviously can't continue. I did try writing again this morning, like every morning this week, and like every morning this week I felt like I did two years ago when I started: everything felt clunky and weird, like i had someone else's shoes on.

I'll let you know what I come up with as a solution, if it's anything other than just shutting up and writing anyway. I think it'll be that, though. Boring, but necessary. And intimidating.